The Woman I Want to Be Tuesday
"They'll think I'm mean."
"That seems rude."
"I can't do that. What will they say?"
We've all heard these phrases from our friends, our relatives, our selves. But why do we care? Truly, why? What happens if someone thinks I'm rude? What happens if someone doesn't think my outfit matches? (Because it usually doesn't.)
Very often this manifests itself as saying yes too often. The best example I can think of is those Tupperware-style parties in private homes. I know several women who go to these again and again and purchase candles, jewelry, and kitchen items that they can ill afford and don't want because it's rude not to. Huh? So you choose to hurt your personal financial situation so that some friend won't be possibly offended? Would you ask your friend to spend money on something she didn't want or need? Of course not! No real friend (or acquaintance) would do that.
What about when that co-worker walks around with the tray of store-bought cupcakes to celebrate the birth of her first granddaughter? She insisted after I declined, so I took a napkin and a cupcake. I thanked her and we chatted for a few moments. When she walked away I threw the untouched cupcake in the trash. Another co-worker said I was rude. Was I? (And the answer to your question is yes, if the cupcake had been homemade I would've indulged.)
So I suppose the real question is - do I (may I?) be honest and kind to others while not compromising my budget, eating habits, or personal beliefs? Why on earth would someone encourage me to put something into my mouth or pull something out of my wallet that I don't care to? Would you say to a vegetarian, "But you absolutely must try my pot roast! It's a family recipe!" Or to someone allergic to peanuts, "But my brittle is the very best! Can't you just have a bite and then take a Benadryl?"
Everyone repeat after me:
"No, thank you. I don't care to have a cupcake."
"No, thank you. I won't be able to attend your Lia Sophia party."
"No, thank you."
"No. Thank you."